You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
