I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
