i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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