I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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