can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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