Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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