Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am available for nakedness
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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