Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
