There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize