I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
