ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We need to get me chipped asap
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
