Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
