Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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