Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
