no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
