How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
