he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
