is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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