I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos