I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
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There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities