I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??