do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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