Umm I'm too high to move.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
