Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
