We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
