You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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