Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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