look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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