but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
