i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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