my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
