This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
