I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
