Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
