she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
