I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
