Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
