i may or may not be watching the land before time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
