So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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