Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
