took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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