There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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