After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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