how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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