I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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