The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
