Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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