Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
