Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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