I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
