Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
