I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
