Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
