I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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