Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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