The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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