Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
