So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
