i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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