Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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